neat.

Everything wrong. Everything I’ve despised. All me, now. Stupid fucking emotions. Incorrect life. Unlovable love. Incomprehensible change. Pills, alcohol, slow burn. A cliff. No sense or direction. Over.

Tired of pills. Tired of anxiety. Tired of this life. Tired of hopeless hoping. Tired of the emptiness. Tired of the guilt. Tired of of the anger. So tired. If waking up were easy, I’d of done it by now. But I can barely sleep as is. I am so so tired.

I can’t imagine all the people that you know And the places that you go When the lights are turned down low And I don’t understand all the things you’ve seen But I’m slipping in-between You and your big dreams It’s always you, in my big dreams

And you tell me that its over Wake up lying in a patch of four leaf clovers And your restless, and I’m naked You’ve gotta get out You can’t stand to see me shakin’ No, could u let me go? I didn’t think so

And you don’t wanna be here in the future So you say the present’s just a pleasant Interruption to the past And you don’t wanna look much closer Cause you’re afraid to find out all this hope You had sent into the sky, by now, had, crashed And it did because of me

And then you bring me home Afraid to find out that you’re alone, oh And I’m sleeping in your living room But we don’t have much room to live

And I had dreams, In them I learned to play guitar Maybe cross the country, become a rock star And there was hope in me that I could take you there But damn it, you’re so young Well I don’t think I care And if I hurt you, then I’m sorry Please don’t think that this was easy

And then you bring me home Cause we both know what it’s like to be alone, oh And I’m dreaming in your living room But we don’t have much room to live

And Konstantine is walking down the stairs Doesn’t she look good standing in her underwear? And I was thinking, what I was thinking We’ve been drinking and it doesn’t get me anywhere

My Konstantine came walking down the stairs And all that I could do was touch her long, blonde hair And I’ve been thinkin’, It hurts me thinking That these nights when we were drinking No they never got us anywhere, No

This is because I can spell confusion with a ‘K’ And I can like it It’s to dying in another’s arms And why I had to try it Its to Jimmy Eat World And those nights in my car When the first star you see May not be a star I’m not your star Isn’t that what you said What you thought this song meant

And if this is what it takes Just to lie with my mistakes And live with what I did to you All the hell I put you through I always catch the clock It’s 11:11, and now you wanna talk It’s not hard to dream You’ll always be My Konstantine

My Konstantine They’ll never hurt you like I do No they’ll never hurt you like I do No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

This is to a girl Who got into my head With all the pretty things she did Hey, you know You keep me up in bed

This is to a girl Who got into my head With all these fucked up things I did Hey, maybe, baby You could keep me up in bed

My Konstantine You spin around me like a dream We played out on this movie screen And I said Did you know I missed you? Did you know I missed you? Did you know I missed you? Did you know I missed you? Did you know I miss you? Did you know I miss you? Did you know I miss you? I miss you

And then you bring me home And we go to sleep But this time not alone And I know, and you’ll kiss me in your living room I know, I know you miss me in your living room Cause these nights I think Maybe that I miss you in my living room

But we don’t have much room I said does anybody need that room Because we all need a little more room To live

My Konstantine

emilygoods:

And I like you too much.

God, all I want is to make this right.

Got that 90 count instead of 30 now. Time to get numb.

Best friend, confidant, devotee, committed, lover. I miss all of these. I miss you, the one who was all of these. I pray for your happiness, grace, and peace. I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to wrong you. I’m sorry for never being a good person.

So many surprises that will be just things that happen now. About to see Aziz.

Someday I’ll be able to sleep. Hopefully.

All I know is that every time I’ve been faced with a tough decision there’s only one thing that outweighs every other concern; one thing that will make you give up on everything you thought you knew, every instinct, every rational calculation. Love.

We are not villains, we are not bad people. We are only guilty of everything we don’t say, of everything we withhold from the people we love. I did not hold anything back; I am honest and true in my intents and my willingness to change because that’s what I would do for anyone who loves me and communicates with me.

Regardless of how much I see, I still feel like the villain.

3: Happiest***

2: Hospital

1: Numb*

0: Lost*

-1: ?*

*hope

I wish to be where you are. I pray to be happy together again.

The worst experiences make us become the best people. Change is worth seeing. Change is worth believing in. Change is true. Love is true.

Anywhere, anything, anytime, no matter what. Not because it’s what you need, but because its what I want to do. Happiness is worth all the sacrifice and struggle.